South of the Border

If you live on the east coast and drive south for vacations or holidays, it is inevitable that you will spend at least part of your time on I-95. I call I-95 the "beat your brains out" highway. Not only does traffic speed along between 75-80 mph on average, the scenery, compared to the Grand Canyon, would be on a 1-10 basis (with 10 as high) rated as a minus 25. Virginia and North Carolina along I-95 are frankly undistinguishable from one vast strip mall, an endless array of chain discount houses, fast food restaurants and countless billboards.

All of this changes, though, when one hits the South Carolina border. After the border, the scenery to Florence begins improving, relatively speaking, to continuous pine forests and rural wetlands. It is a new environment that reminds one of copperheads, rattlesnakes and gators. We finally exit I-95 after hundreds of miles on I-95 at South Carolina SR 462, the Coosaw Scenic Drive, which eventually connects to the primary highway to Hilton Head Island.

But enough of the downside of I-95...

There is one feature along America's main artery to Florida that delights me every time I make the now annual trek to Hilton Head. It is called South of the Border. Pedro's, as it is also known, is the first, and I mean first landmark one encounters in South Carolina. Actually, one can even see Pedro's towering sombrero during the final two miles of North Carolina.

South of the Border at <http://www.thesouthoftheborder.com/> begins to make its presence known long before however. About 100 miles north of the border, generally above Fayetteville, Fort Bragg and Pope AAB, new themed billboards suddenly begin appearing beside the southbound lane. They are not like the Burma Shave signs of grandpa's day, since they do not relay a serial message that depends upon viewing the next sign, and the next and the next.

These signs are enticements drawing you to visit Pedro's South of the Border, and they are big and garish. I will now give you the complete rundown of the best signs we noticed alluring us to visit Pedro's:

103 miles: You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet! South of the Border
85 miles: Free Air, Water & Advice! South of the Border
76 miles: Caliente! Pedro's South of the Border
76 miles: Fort Pedro, Rocket City. South of the Border
71 miles: Good Stuff is Hard to Find! South of the Border
67 miles: A Little Razzle, A Lot of Dazzle! Pedro's
58 miles: No Shoot Ze Bull... South of the Border
31 miles: Greetings from South of the Border
29 miles: Keep Yelling Kids (They'll Stop!) South of the Border
26 miles: 300 Luxury Rooms, South of the Border
26 miles: Something !tnerefeeD (Deeferent!) South of the Border
25 miles: FIREWORKS! So Loud it Hurts! Pedro's South of the Border
23 miles: South of the Border Motor Hotel
19 miles: World's #1 Miniature Golf! South of the Border
16 miles: Reptile Lagoon! South of the Border
16 miles: Pedro's Campground. Helping People Relax Since 1949
15 miles: Camp Pedro
12 miles: Too Much Tequila! South of the Border
11 miles: You Never Sausage a Place (You're Always a wiener at Pedros)
7 miles: Kids Love Pedros!
7 miles: Fort Pedro/Rocket City
5 miles: Fuel for You and Your Truck. Pedro's Diner and Truck Stop
3 miles: Fireworks! So loud it Hurts. Pedro's
2 miles: Pedro's All New Around the World Shop
1 mile: Give Pedro the Business
1 mile: Hats Around the World. Pedro's South of the Border
.5 mile: Pedro's Silver Slipper Indoor Flea Market
.3 mile: It's Always Sundae at Pedro's
Ground zero: Welcome to Pedro's South of the Border
.5 mile beyond: Back up Amigo!

So there you are -- mile by mile being drawn in to the Tackiest Theme Park in America (a biased judgment on my part). Mindy was dabbling with Facebook on her iPad. I was listening to tunes from my iPod connected through the entertainment system. We zoomed right on by. See ya Pedro!

Someone on Facebook asks Mindy where we are. She says, "We just passed Pedro's South of the Border -- now in SC.

Her friend Jan immediately writes: "And you didn't stop?!"

Mindy replies: "Paul refused to..."

Her friend Bonnie replies: "What a curmudgeon!" Obviously, Bonnie has never driven past Pedro's...

And so it goes. Maybe next time Pedro.

Stay calm and carry on,

Paul, now on Hilton Head Island, SC until April
http://www2.potsdam.edu/loucksap
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